The New Golden Rule

I’m not a scientist or sociologist, and I don’t have any empirical evidence of this, but I notice a very common — almost unanimous — personality trait among the many women I have met that had/have cancer, myself included. We are givers. We are women whose lives — both personally and professionally — are dedicated to doing and giving to others. We have an infinite supply of compassion, nurturing, encouragement, generosity, patience, and time available for everyone and everything around us, with one glaring exception: OURSELVES.

I have so often spent time and effort and money (whether I really have it or not!), to do or provide things for other people, sometimes to my own deficit/detriment. Whether it be a gift or a gesture, an ear or a shoulder, cab fare home, a card or bouquet of flowers “just because”, buying or giving someone a massage; encouraging them to relax, take a load off, eat their favorite meal, go to a cheesy but fun movie, splurge on a new pair of shoes.

And yet, I so rarely ever did these things for myself. So much of my energy was constantly going out and I did little to nothing to actually replenish that supply. I worked insane 16-hour days, never went to the gym, hardly ever went shopping for anything other than necessity items (and even those would be procrastinated until the brink of desperation!). It took me over three years to finally use a gift certificate that my brother gave me to get a massage/spa day — it had technically expired, but the customer service rep had mercy (and possibly a huge nudge from the Universe) to reinstate the darn thing and let me treat myself to 90 minutes of quietude and regeneration!

In addition to being very “Type A”, a little (okay, a LOT) control freaky (been working on toning that down quite a bit!), very detail-oriented, competent, focused, and hard-working women, we are very willing to bear the often heavy burdens of others. We are “he/she ain’t heavy, he’s/she’s my brother/sister” people, who are extremely uncomfortable both needing (and admitting to needing) and especially asking for any kind of help. We are the doers, the fixers, the ones who take care of everyone and everything.

So . . . I want to share a lil’ flip on the good ol’ Golden Rule:
DO UNTO YOURSELF AS YOU WOULD DO UNTO OTHERS.

That’s right . . . Do unto yourself. This is not about changing the way we treat other people. It doesn't mean we become selfish and stingy. It is about giving the same compassion, nurturing, attention, acceptance, time, and care to ourselves, without hesitation, as we so willingly give to other people.

Go get that massage, girl! Buy that definitely-too-expensive-and-you-probably-won’t-wear-it-more-than-once-but-you-know-you-love-it dress! Take an hour to go the gym, do that yoga class you’ve always wanted to try. Read that book that’s been sitting on your nightstand for a year. Romance yourself with a drive along the coast, a picnic in the park. Go on the zip line adventure trip you've always been curious about! Eat that piece of moist chocolate cake you adoringly glance at in the window of the bakery as you whiz by on your way to do-do-doing. Dress to impress YOU.

Yes! Drop that workaholic, give-a-holic salad your making! Stop and smell the roses, the coffee, whatever it is that smells yummy to you. Just do it. Now.

A moment given to yourself becomes an infinitely valuable, priceless gift you give to the many people you love and who love you!